If I win my Masters pool, I could pocket around two-thousand dollars.

With my winnings, I will buy a golf team and become a fat cat owner.

As a fat cat golf team owner, I will have someone OpenTable reservations for me every night at someplace real nice, like the Ruth’s Chris Steak House, which I cannot physically say. Like, I flat out cannot say Ruth’s-Chris-Steak-House.

This will lead to a session with someone who knows a speech therapist — the best MapQuest can immediately direct me to within a 10 minute drive. I will discontinue pseudo speech therapy with the ability to say both “Ruth’s Chris Steak House” and “thesaurus” (bonus!), without having to even think about it. This will allow me to give the golf team pep talks and whatnot. Mostly whatnot, probably.

The golf team will be the best professional golf team the English-speaking, North American-accented WORLD will have ever seen. We will make lots of money, be beloved by ALL and, perhaps most importantly, we’ll ride a never-ending green carpet (turf or otherwise) to glory. In matching green sport jackets, which will be the sharp touch that puts it all over-the-top

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